The subject of women at work is particularly interesting to me. For most of my childhood, my father was the primary breadwinner, working long days and traveling often. My mom stayed home to raise my two brothers and me. Even though I did have friends whose mothers worked, I thought that the way my family did it was the norm. I imagined growing up, getting married, and having children just like my mother. I knew I was going to go to college, but I didn't see myself having a career.
Since then, I have had a complete change of heart. I know that I don't want to be a housewife. Although I love children, I've never been particularly good at cooking or cleaning. I feel that I would get more satisfaction out of a career in which I can use my talents. However, I still want children. From what I have observed, many women never feel that they are balancing careers and family. I fear that the same thing will happen to me.
I have read the book, I Don't Know How She Does It, which is mentioned by EG&T on page 200. The main character, Katie, is an extremely successful investment banker. Although she is good at her job, she always feels like a failure when it comes to spending time with her two young children. She can't help but feel she is neglecting her duty as a mother when she works. The book's title comes from the constant refrain of, "I don't know how she does it," when other people speak of the main character. This statement strikes her as ironic, because she feels that she isn't doing it. She compares herself to stay-home mothers who are completely involved in their children's lives.
Katie also thinks about the differences between women and men. Working fathers are not thought to be neglecting their children. In fact, they are seen as fulfilling the role of provider for the family. Now, more and more fathers are actually spending time with their children. Katie mentions that it is easy for fathers today to be better than their own fathers. They can do this just by knowing how to change diapers and take the kids on family outings on Saturdays. But mothers who work will inevitably see themselves as worse than their own mothers as they leave their children to be raised by nannies and serve them microwaved dinners instead of home cooked meals.
So I'm wondering how I will feel when I have children. Will the time I spend at work seem like time I should be spending with them? Hiring another woman to be a mother to my children when I'm away does not seem like the answer to the problem. With advances in technology, many people are working from home. But it seems in that situation, a woman wouldn't be able to give her full attention either to her work or her children. Personally, I don't multi-task well. Is there any good solution for women who want to have careers and children?
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2 comments:
I think the solution, though shallow(?), would be to find a companion who wants to stay at home. R.J., for instance, dreams of being a stay-at-home father. It's his goal in life. This solution may sound "weak" or "ignorant" but I'm actually standing by it. How else can we begin to solve relationship problems except to compromise and work within our strengths?
(A metaphor for organizational communication?)
I chose my future career over my heart, which both makes me proud and afraid. My parents constantly assure me that people get married much later nowadays, but I cannot ignore the fact that I am getting older. My suspicion is based on what I have seen with women who have made similar decisions. For instance, I know several female college professors, business owners, and school board officials who are unwed and without children. I actually have even heard about women who do not reveal that they have children during interviews for fear of not getting the job. I often wonder why I care so much about getting married and having children. I am very strong willed, yet feel so much pressure from society to follow suit like many women before me.
The reading reminded me of a situation at work. Particularly, the male regional vice president at my former job was notorious for talking to female employee voices, but only making eye contact with their breasts. I usually talked with him while I was sitting, so I didn't see the problem at first. Then, the more and more I saw him away from my desk, the more he seemed to sexualize my modestly-dressed frame. At my first job, however, I was the only female in an office of seven men. I didn't feel intimidated by them, but after reading Trethewey's article, I can recall instances in which they treated me differently because of my gender.
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